


wherever you go, it wont be to others

by ssaseaprince



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Established Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal Lecter Loves Will Graham, Head Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Hannibal Lecter, Jealousy, M/M, Murder Husbands, Past Molly Graham/Will Graham, Possessive Hannibal Lecter, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Seizures, Unhealthy Relationships, Will Graham Loves Hannibal Lecter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:00:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29992158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssaseaprince/pseuds/ssaseaprince
Summary: Request from Tumblr : Hannigram with Will saying prompt 15"how could you think this wouldn't hurt me"Will gets lost sometimes, his mind calls him and he freezes up. He never tells Hannibal where he goes. Hannibal is left to the fear and assumption that Will goes to others when he leaves, and the thought of anyone else taking up space in Will's mind is maddening. His jealousy leads to an impulse kill of a woman that looks like Molly, displaying her and bringing attention to themselves. They'll be forced to move, and Will doesn't appreciate Hannibal's lashing out.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 79





	wherever you go, it wont be to others

Will gets lost some times. You could see the exact moment it happened, his body would freeze, tendons and bones and joints all locked up, eyes unfocused. Sometimes it was just seconds, usually it was a few minutes, but the worst time had been a couple hours. Hannibal was used to it now, being so attuned to Will. He learned to wait a minute or two, see if Will would come back on his own, and if he didn’t Hannibal would sit them both down and lay Will’s head on his lap. Stroking his curls he’d recite poetry, Lithuanian stories from his childhood, mantras of stability. When Will did come back, it was either slowly or all at once. It was either a sudden jerk of awareness or a slowly, drowsy awakening, like he’d just woken from a dream. He never talked about where he went in these times. 

It could’ve been from the fall. Will had hit his head, ending up with quite a severe concussion that they hadn’t realized he had until far later than they should’ve. They’d been occupied with their more visible injuries, gunshots, stab wounds, and broken bones threatened them with blood loss and sepsis. His dizziness and slurred words were written off as a result of his more obvious wounds and his concussion was left unnoticed until the blurred vision and balance problems couldn’t be written off as blood loss anymore. Hannibal doesn’t feel guilty for much, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forgive himself for missing it. It had doubled Will’s recovery time and still left him with some more permanent effects. Forgetting what he was saying and having his words drop off in the middle of sentences, struggling to memorize new things, forgetting where they were and the date, and slurring his words at random became common occurrences. Will would always be the smartest person Hannibal had ever known, there was never a doubt about it, but it was heartbreaking to watch Will’s frustration, his self doubt. They did what they could to help minimize the effects, and Hannibal learned how to reassure Will in a way that didn’t make him uncomfortable. But reassurance could only go so far, and Will still had bad days. 

It could be a result of the trauma he’s endured, because no matter how otherworldly Will seems, he’s still human. Having been a psychiatrist had its benefits when Will’s PTSD presented and Hannibal needed to know how to react. Hannibal had mastered the art of moving around without making near any noise, but now the house was filled with his loud footsteps. Will still flinched at times, but Hannibal making his arrival known when he approached him prevented spiraling flashbacks for the most part. For a long time just the sight of Hannibal holding a needle was enough to pull Will into his memories of the past, he’d passed out from hyperventilating the first time Hannibal had tried to give him some painkillers through one after the fall. Their fourth week on the run, Hannibal had learned to avoid flashing light after a lighting storm had sent Will reeling, huddled against the wall and yelling at Hannibal to get the fuck away from him. He memorized Will’s triggers and together they learned how to best avoid them. Of course there are times where the nightmares and flashbacks still come, but they work through them together. They’d gotten a dog, and during times when Hannibal can’t be the one to comfort him, Will can cuddle her into his arms and press his face into her fur to ground himself. 

And maybe it’s neither of those things, maybe it’s just Will. One of the things Hannibal loves most about Will is his unpredictability, and that nobody can ever fully understand his mind. It’s such a beautifully intricate, complex thing that Hannibal could gorge himself on it’s knowledge and thoughts and never get tired. 

But Hannibal doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t know where Will goes when he gets lost. For the most part, their relationship has grown into one devoid of secrets, but whenever Hannibal asks Will where he goes when he leaves at those times, Will won’t answer. He tells Hannibal about all of the flashbacks and nightmares, sometimes even without prompting, but he won’t tell him this. 

It’s immensely frustrating. Hannibal has always wanted to know everything about Will that he could, and with them as conjoined as they are now, the fact that Will won’t explain it to him is extremely upsetting. He understands why Will could have hesitations fully trusting him, but the ocean had washed away their walls and exposed them completely to each other.   
Hannibal is an extremely jealous person, and he has no problem admitting that. With Will refusing to talk to him about it, he’s left to assume that he goes to someone else when he leaves. After the fall he had promised Will he would not go after Molly and Walter, and he would keep his promise, but the idea that they could be taking up any space in Will’s mind is maddening. Will had taken off his wedding ring a week after the fall, thrown it into the ocean and said goodbye. He’d been transparent with Hannibal, explaining that he did love Molly when he was with her, and he would always hold fondness in his heart for her, but that he couldn’t love anybody but Hannibal now. He’d explained it by comparing him to Oxygen, he takes up all the space in the air and in his lungs that there isn’t room for anything else. They made love for the first time after that, the memory perfectly filed away in Hannibal’s memory palace. But Will’s gaze still lingered when they passed happy families in restaurants or in the store, his eyes full of bittersweet longing. Hannibal knew he thought of Molly and Walter, and Abigail too. Will was insistent that they didn’t need to add anyone to their family, he didn’t want to or feel the need to be a father and their lifestyle wouldn’t be sustainable with a family. And Hannibal agreed, so he left it as it was. He knew Will missed Abigail too, they both did and they both had cared for her, her death had been one of the harder things to reconcile over. Will had admitted to hallucinating her after her death, when he went to Italy, and as much as Hannibal had cared for her and as much as he still mourned her death, he couldn’t help the deep rooted jealousy he felt over the fact that she had occupied a part of Will’s thoughts for so long. He wondered if Will saw Abigail when he went wherever he did in his mind. 

And so his resentment grew, as did his jealousy. But Abigail was dead and Molly and Walter were across the world and promised safety, and he couldn’t be mad at Will. So the feelings built with nowhere to go.

He and Will hunted together, just not often as they didn’t want to draw suspicion. So he tried to use their hunting as an outlet, but it never seemed like enough. 

Life went on, and their domesticity continued. Every time Will would freeze and his eyes would glaze over and you just knew his mind had called him, Hannibal continued the ritual of laying Will’s head on his lap and softly speaking calming words to him, but each time added to his anger, and his jealousy flared. Will’s mind was going somewhere he wasn’t permitted to follow and it ate at him. He knew Will saw his frustration, but he had a lot of practice at hiding his emotions behind walls and he used it. Eventually though, it all spilled over. 

Before they had even fully recovered from their fall in the ocean they had come to a compromise. If Will was to stay with him and kill with him, they would only hunt together, and the sins they killed people for would be far more grievous then just rudeness. Because of their criminal status, they wouldn’t be able to display their victims as they’d like to unless they were prepared to move right after. Hannibal had quickly agreed to it, and the decision had been worth it. They got their domesticity, and when they hunted, he got to watch Will stalk and then help him slaughter their prey. His beautiful avenging angel. Of course, when they encountered individuals whose rudeness was staggering he took great pleasure in imagining stringing up their corpses, making beautifully refined dishes out of them. But they both liked where they had finally settled down, and he knew Will didn’t want to move again, so he never gave any thought to going against their agreement. 

Until now. The day had started innocently enough, in fact it was a pretty good day. Will had gotten lost for a few minutes in the morning, but he came back fairly easily and quickly and there weren’t any other issues the rest of the day. It was evening, and Hannibal was off to the market to get some last minute ingredients he would need for meals tomorrow, when a woman looking at her phone and ignoring her surroundings pushed into him, spilling her coffee all over his shirt. They both stopped walking, and flustered, she looked up at him. It hit him like a train. 

When Will and Molly had gotten married, their wedding announcement had been alongside a collection of others in the local newspaper. Will hadn’t wanted it, but Molly liked the tradition and had a lot of friends and acquaintances, so they had gone with it. Chilton had gotten a hold of a copy, and had used it to taunt Hannibal during his incarceration. Next to the small printed words announcing their marriage, was a picture, black and white and grainy but obvious as to who it was. Will was wearing a tuxedo, not the best quality or the most tailored, but it was decent enough and looked well on him. He was flashing a shy smile to the camera, and while he looked a little uncomfortable, he seemed happy, except that the camera quality was just barely good enough to catch the glimpse of longing in his eyes. Molly, next to him, was radiant. She wore a beautiful white wedding dress and had a beaming smile that lit up her whole face, she was clutching Will’s arm and her happiness was palpable. They made a very visually pleasing couple, Hannibal had mused. Chilton had given him the clipping, and he had folded it in half so Molly wasn’t visible, then spent hours drawing Will with the picture as a reference.  
It was one of the few times he had seen Molly, the only other time had been after the fall, when they were reading interviews done to make sure everybody believed them to be dead. Freddie Lounds had gotten an interview with her, and next to the column had been a picture of Molly, stiffly sitting and blankly looking at the camera. Will had to take a break after reading it, sitting on the deck of their boat and watching the sea. That had been the day he threw away the wedding ring. 

Hannibal was acquainted enough with Molly’s appearance to remember it, and the woman who had just run into him was quite the spitting image of her. It wasn’t actually her of course, there were enough differences to tell, but they looked a lot alike. And something in Hannibal snapped, a quite impulsive plan blooming in his mind. 

The flustered young women profusely apologized, offering to pay for the shirt. Hannibal smiled, assuring her it was no problem, charming her and asking if she would like to go get another coffee with him at his home. Of course she agreed, how could she not when this handsome, charming and kind man had offered? Naive thing, Hannibal thought. And with that, he lured her away.

It was extremely easy to kill her, quite a shame she didn’t put up much of a fight. Quick suffocation, the killing wasn’t the important part of his vision. The important part was the presentation. 

He transformed her into Semele, the beautiful princess of Thebes that Zeus fell in love with. Hera found out about the affair and disguised herself to befriend Semele and made her doubt Zeus’ affection. So, Semele decided to ask Zeus to grant her a wish, and he took an oath on the river Styx that he would give her anything. Semele wished to see Zeus in all of his glory, and Zeus was forced to comply, even though Mortals could not survive looking upon him without bursting into flames. Semele died that way, witnessing Zeus’ true form. 

It was fitting. Molly had never seen Will in all of his glory, Hannibal is the only one who could ever truly know Will because he was his. They are each other’s, and no one else had the privilege of witnessing Will’s becoming, nobody else could fully understand and appreciate the beauty of it. 

He risked leaving the body to buy charcoal and a few white dress shirts. He kept his surgical instruments in the car for when they hunt, keeping them under the guise of a medical kit, so there would be no issue removing her organs. He cut up the white shirt in even, clean pieces and draped them over her like robes. She was laid in the charcoal, ruining the white of the shirts, one arm draped across her eyes and the other arm reaching out. Hannibal only took her heart, and while it was a shame to take nothing else, it was important for the symbolism.  
It was beautiful, and would hopefully serve as a reminder to Will that he is his, nobody else could ever fully appreciate him as Hannibal can. Wherever Will goes when he gets lost, it will not be to others.

He ended up calling and leaving an untraceable anonymous tip to the police, telling them where to look for the body. It was risky, but his jealousy was making him rash and he wanted Will to hear about it by tomorrow.

Will was asleep by the time he got home, and he packaged away the heart before he changed and showered quietly and quickly, slipping on some pajamas after and getting into bed. Will didn’t wake, just sighed softly in his sleep as Hannibal wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in his curls. 

The next morning Hannibal had woken to an empty and cold bed. Will only got up before Hannibal is he was having a bad night with nightmares, so there was always some concern for him when he wasn’t there when Hannibal woke.   
He could hear small bits of noise coming from the living room, so after stretching and getting up, he went to go find the source of the noise. 

Will was sitting in the middle of the living room floor surrounded by suitcases, their little puppy Penelope sitting next to him as he pulled her favourite toys and belongings into a bag. Hannibal stopped in at the doorway, and having heard his steps, Will looked up at him. His eyes were bloodshot and hair in a disarray, deep bags underneath his eyes. Will glared at him for a moment before going back to his task, his hands shaking as he picked up things to stuff into the bags and suitcases. 

“Will,” Hannibal ventured softly, “What are you doing.”

Will flinched at the sound of his voice, and looked back up, squinting his eyes. His voice was rough and raspy, and he sounded like he’d been crying. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m packing.”

“Why are you packing? There’s no need for us to leave as of now.” 

Will let out a hollow laugh, humourless. “Well, Dr. Lecter,” the title came out scathing, “Since you decided to put murder before my trust, all in the name of jealousy, officials are already poking around.” 

Hannibal froze. The news must’ve broken a lot sooner than he had intended, he had planned to have some time to prepare Will for it but it seems that wouldn’t be the case now. He had faith in his ability to talk his way out of things, but Will had always been entirely unpredictable. Now, in the light of a new day, his impulse killing the night before began to seem like a mistake. A grievous mistake at that, he hadn’t considered all of the outcomes, something he usually did well.   
He took a step forward, slowly, like one would approach a wild animal. Will wasn’t acting physically defensive, didn’t seem like he’d be on the attack, but he could never be too careful. The tremors in Will’s hands gradually became more violent and his breathing became more laboured with each step Hannibal took closer.   
Will hadn’t had a seizure in awhile, they happened more in the beginning of his recovery and were most likely due to his head injury. Extreme bouts of stress and anxiety still caused them sometimes, but they were rare.   
Hannibal saw the exact moment his eyes glazed over, and he lunged, catching Will’s head before he hit the floor. Cradling Will’s head, Hannibal looked at his watch, counting the seconds. It lasted about a minute and a half before Will’s body relaxed, his breathing coming out in harsh, raspy puffs. They sat for quite a few minutes before Will felt well enough to sit. He pushed Hannibal away and rubbed a hand over his face, refusing eye contact. 

“Why’d you do it? I know how jealous you get, Hell, I get I feel that way too. But you swore before we moved here that we’d only hunt together, and that we wouldn’t draw attention to ourselves.” He let out a ragged sigh before looking up, bloodshot blue eyes connecting with Hannibal’s. “And Semele? Really Hannibal?” His voice wavered slightly as he continued. “We’re conjoined, I know you’re the only one who could ever see me fully, because I’m the only one who could ever truly see you. This is a reiteration of what we’ve both known for a while.”   
There was a beat of silence. Hannibal opened his mouth to respond but Will cut him off. Continuing, “And using someone who looks just like Molly? I know how possessive and jealous you are Hannibal, but I thought we were past this kind of pettiness. I left Molly behind, left everyone behind, when I fell into the ocean with you.”

Of course, Hannibal knew everything Will was saying was true, but he was rendered speechless for a moment. He swallowed, taking a second to catch his voice before responding. “Will, it wasn’t meant to hurt you.” 

That dry, hollow laugh made another appearance between Will’s lips. “It wasn’t meant to hurt me? What the Hell, Hannibal. How could you think this wouldn’t hurt me?”

A brief flash of anger, burning hot, rushed through Hannibal as he remembered his reasoning. “You leave, Will, and refuse to let me follow. The moments of absence where you fall into your mind and won’t let me know where you go. I am only left to assume that you find others there, I thought we were beyond secrets.”

Will scoffed, “That’s what this is about? The only person permanently residing in my mind is you! You want to know where I go? I’m thrown back into past realizations and thoughts. I am stuck with the realization that this is real and that you, us, is real. I’m brought back to memories of when I used to yearn for this. Because I’ve been so fucking happy here, Hannibal, with you. That when it hits me full force I sometimes just don’t know how to cope with it, and I get stuck in the memories of when I was alone, and I thought I’d be alone forever. And it takes my brain awhile to realize that I’m not dreaming. I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want it to make anything feel less real.”

Hannibal was quiet after Will’s tirade, processing everything that he said. Will didn’t leave because he wanted to be somewhere else or with someone else, he just was overwhelmed with how much he wanted to be here. Reaching out, he clasped Will’s hands between his own and brought them to his lips, painting them with tears in apology. 

“My beautiful, beautiful Will. I could never entirely predict you, you never fail to surprise me. How much I love you. You prove your loyalty and love everyday, I have no right to doubt it, and I am sorry. I acted impulsively and rashly without fully considering the effects, it was a mistake, and I hope you’ll extend me your forgiveness again.”

Will sighed, leaning in to lay his forehead against Hannibal’s. “We’ve been doing so well at communicating better, we need to keep doing that, and I’m sorry for not telling you when you’ve asked. We need to not put walls back up, all it does is cause unnecessary pain.”

Hannibal nodded, softly pressing his lips against Will’s. 

“We still have to leave,” Will said when they pulled apart. “This is already bringing too much attention and it hasn’t even been a day. When we leave, you have to keep to the things we agreed to, we both know how fragile trust can be and I need to be able to trust that you’ll keep to what we compromise on.”

“It is regretful, and I apologize for forcing us to leave, I know you love it here.” Hannibal replied mournfully. “This won’t be a repeat occurrence Will, I promise you, I value your trust greatly and understand the importance of the rules we have both set.”

That brought a brief, small smile from Will. “Alright. And I get to choose where we move next.”

“Of course, Will. Anything you want. I love you.”

“I love you too, Hannibal. And I forgive you, but don’t do it again.” And with that, Will leaned into kissing Hannibal again. Hannibal felt a sharp sting on his bottom lip, and when Will pulled away his mouth was stained red with blood. Beautiful, dangerous thing, Hannibal thought as he licked his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> i really struggle with writing dialogue, but i'm trying to do better with it. anyways, i hope you guys like it <3


End file.
